Solar Mother,

How do I put things together in a way that makes sense?

If I am the one who sets my own limitations then why would I limit myself?

If I am my own parent now then why would I be cruel to myself?

Why use a cudgel when I can use a wand or a smile?

 

How do I find the balance between the inner and the outer?

Why do I feel my need to create will devour me whole?

 Why is my muse such a cruel mistress?

 Can I temper her spirits?

 Can I ask her to not yank me along so.

 I am trying to keep up.

It is just a very winding road and I can not always see the way.

Though I always see her light just ahead of me.

Guiding me through my dark inner labyrinth. Unspooling her golden thread like Ariadne.

 

I listen. I follow.

Though I do not always know why or know how.

I wait and watch for her signal.

She streaks ahead of me,

hair thrown about like a halo of brambles.

Diaphanous gown made of summer rain and morning mist.

I chase the morning sun.

I chase her and

yet I can never have her fully.

She is always gone before I know it.

🜋 🜋 🜋

I call her name.

🜋 🜋 🜋

I call his name.

 

She is rosy cheeked.

Her laugh fills the air with the songs of swallows.

I, so captured in my reverie,

so engrossed in my awe,

follow her

 

I have forgotten the Minotaur

who lurks somewhere in this maze

with me.

 

And Pasiphaë with all her hate

has forgotten me

🜋

 

I have forgotten the heavy weight of my own mortality

I have forgotten the ache in my back and feet from the long journey

 

"I will speak the truest words I can find" I promise my mother.

Well at least you will try she chides

🜋 

You will never have me,

🜋

 

 

One day I will die and then I will know how

to now hold her delicate light

And I, helpless, hapless

forever the victim of her beauty,

continue onward.

I am desperate and shipwrecked.

I have no choice.

I have forgotten how to hold the two opposites and bridge the divide.

Mother hear my prayer.

It is me your son, 🜋

Mother, I tired of war, please send me a witch

 

I will beg for forgiveness

and she may give me a son

with golden hair and yellow eyes like

Ra

Amen.